I'm supposed to love you?
by CaptainEliphant
Summary: A yaoi involving Shuhei, Kira, and Gin.  Kira is suffering emotional turmoil from Gin's abuse and a friend tries to show comfort.
1. Mad a

Uhm, this is just a thing I thought up one day some long time ago and haven't gotten around to typing.  
>WARING: YAOI, DON'T LIKE DON'T READ.<br>Sorta graphic… I'm not one to really write graphic sexual things so it's kind of the first time writing hardcore-ish yaoi. Please read and review (:

ooo

All those wasted nights filled with hopeless dreams rippled though his head, coming back in painful fragments. Each one stung more than the last, seeming to burn and simmer.

Kira was with him again, the smile Ichimaru always wore missing from his face at this time. They were in Kira's own bedroom, Kira planted between his captain and the door. Gin kissed him hard and began disrobing him, without any approval. Not that Kira had any choice, he knew what his captain would do if he was denied what he wanted; Kira still had a healing wound from last week.

Both were now disrobed, Kira being thrown into his bed by his captain and quickly jumped on. Gin kissed Kira all along his chest and neck, working his way up to his mouth. Then he began exploring Kira's mouth, forcing his tongue down his throat farther, faster, and harder than Kira would've liked. Kira gasped between every brutal kiss. Gin stopped suddenly, and sat up.

"How do you feel, Izuru?" Kira always felt like a snake had wrapped itself around his body and began compressing its every time Ichimaru called him Izuru; just the way he said his name.

Kira couldn't tell him how he really felt, so he pulled Gin back down and kissed him. Feeling Gin smile behind the kiss, he broke it off and flipped Kira onto his stomach, and Kira immediately regretted his decision. Feeling aggressive penetration, Kira tensed and screamed out with pain. Gin never used lube; he was a sadist, why would he? Kira grabbed his pillow and dug his face into it in attempt to control and muffle his screams.

Gin kept going for what felt like hours, Kira becoming drenched in sweat. Gin kept going faster and harder than he started. He suddenly flipped Kira to suck him before he released.

This shard went black. Then next they were in the office, doing paper work. Gin arose from his desk and stood behind Kira. He placed his arm on Kira. Most times when a captain did that to his vice-captain it would be a good thing, but Kira knew better.

"Shall we take a break, Izuru?"

"You go ahead... I should keep working."

"Are you _sure_?" Kira knew he shouldn't have said no.

"Yes," Kira closed his eyes, trying to get away from this reality. This memory blacked out for a few moments, but he knew what came during this blankness, and came back to the vision of Ichimaru with Shinsô about to strike Kira.

Kira awoke to some noise in a hellishly cold sweat, all over his body. Kira kept his face buried in his arms, on his desk. He assumed he was in his office.

"Kira?" It was a familiar voice, and Kira thought it was Ichimaru and bolted up.

"Yes?" He saw it was just his friend, the vice-captain of the 9th.

"Are you okay?" Shūhei looked at him, studying him with a steady gaze.

"Of course." Kira answered automatically.

"Good..." Hisagi sounded hesitant, "it's getting late. How 'bout we get some drinks and unwind?"

"Sounds fantastic." Kira was genuinely sincere. Maybe a night with Hisagi was what he needed. "But, I need to finish some paperwork..."

"There's plenty of time for that later on tomorrow, enjoy yourself for a while... Unwind. 'Cuz, Kira, you look stressed to no end." Kira could feel that his friend was worried, even if he didn't show it like most would. Shūhei was hurting too, Kira knew. He was so loyal to his captain; more loyalty than Kira had thought was possible. And to be betrayed like they both were, with all his questions left unanswered. Kira didn't know how Hisagi could live with himself.

"Fine," Kira said at last.

They left and hit up their favorite bar.

ooo

So, what do you think?

The title comes from a friend, who was very mad at the time. It could mean something symbolically towards the end and it may make sense later on. Maybe you can connect the dots right now. Maybe you think you can connect the dots. You may never know. Unless, you keep reading x3

Thanks for reading!

Characters belong to Tite Kubo


	2. Mad b

After a conversation with a friend about this… Either make there be two parts per each chapter or a mirror fic… and he said two parts of each chapter. So, I shall take his advice. If more than one person gives me feedback saying not to, I'll delete and repost as a mirror fic. But, both point of views are important, so that's why I'm writing both sides.

ooo

Shūhei sat in his office, which he used to share with his captain. Now that the blind man is gone, it seems so empty and lonely. Every day was filled with new pressures, new hurtles Shūhei would have to find a way over. Getting stuck was the worst feeling in the world. Like now, lost in thoughts of the past and what may happen to what he used to know to be so true. Of course, now he knows that the truth he used to believe in was just another lie. _How many other things I believe in are lies?_

Staring at another document that needed to be filled in, yet not being able to focus, he set it down and put his face into his hands. He rubbed his eyes and then rubbed his temples, trying to clear out these thoughts. He couldn't, she he embraced them, spacing out his eyes no where in particular, propping up his head on his hand.

_Captain, what caused you to abandon us? Is what lies in Hueco Mundo really that great? What could there possibly be there that you can't have here? You were a captain here, with so many loyal men following you… We all had faith in you… I always thought you had us as a part of your own best interests. Apparently not… Apparently you thought it would be better without any of us. We had a great time here, this squad was perfect. Everything about it. The way you decorated the office, like a blind man, it made me feel like it was unique and something none of the other squads could possibly ever obtain._

_I would have followed you anywhere, even if… If you asked me to come with him to Hueco Mundo would I really have been able to say no? Would I have stayed with the Shinigami? What ever Aizen offer you must've really been your view of a flawless life: perfect justice, maybe._

_Ichimaru... What…. What about him? What did he really do to Kira? I _know_ he did something. I just wish I knew what. It's not exactly something you ask someone…_ Somewhere Shūhei's mind zonked out. It may have been early in the night, but he hadn't gotten a full, respectable night's sleep in a longer time than he could truly remember.

He could only see darkness, and his wondering idea of what Ichimaru did. It wasn't an actual thought or theory of what Ichimaru did, but more like the question itself. It wouldn't let Shūhei doze off properly. He wasn't asleep but he wasn't awake. It didn't make sense to him. He couldn't think of anything more than that one question: _What did Ichimaru do?_

After more time than he had wanted to sit there pondering, what felt like hours, he opened his eyes and reawake. He felt a bit more rested, and looked down at his papers. "Shit…" He had more than he had realized. "Not tonight…" His muscles were tight and his back ached. "Kira…" He whispered, thinking more about him. _What is he doing now? Maybe a drink would do us both good…_ He rose, stacked the papers into a pile, and left. He headed straight toward the 3rd division captain's office. If he knew Kira, that's where he would be.

He kept going at a casual pace, not expecting to see anyone. It was fairly late for a work day. Normally, a squad member wouldn't be hanging around at this hour. And, Shūhei was right to think so. There wasn't anyone to cross paths with. The night was cool, and seemed to allow him to relax more than expected. With the ability to breath fresh air, it was a great feeling.

He was about halfway to where he expected Kira to be, a guilt washed over his mind. _Matsumoto…_ Last time they drank together, she had been sobbing and he promised himself he would help her, in some way. It wasn't just a crying cry, like someone took her favorite bear as a child and began to play with it. It was more painful than he'd heard her sound. It had been when she thought Shūhei was asleep. He had regretted not saying something ever since. He had always had a deep affection for her. Maybe he loved her. Sure, she had a great body, but what he felt for her was something beyond that. She deserved a man who wouldn't want her just because of her body but his major doubt was that he didn't deserve to give her that something she deserved. _What made her so pain-filled like that?_

The door to the 3rd's office was just a block away, and Shūhei was certain he could feel his friend's presence there. He went in, and made his way towards the captain's office; Kira's office, now. He stopped at the door, and listened to the room; listening for the sound of a pen scrawling in one thing or another, pages being turned, or the stirring of stacking papers. Nothing. But yet, there was something.

He could feel Kira's presence. He knew it was there, but there was something dark about it. He knocked on the door lightly and called out, "Kira?" Nothing. _I know he's in there…_

With a bit of a leap of faith, Shūhei opened the door and called out again, "Kira?" He did in fact see Kira, bolting up, looking shocked and terrified. The sweat plastering the blond's hair to his forehead was apparent, and the even-paler than usual skin seemed ghostly.

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?" Shūhei had to ask him, even though he already knew the answer.

"Of course," Kira replied with hardly taking the time to actually think about the question.

"Good…" Shūhei said, even though he knew it was a flat out lie. If he were in Kira's position, he has been, he would have lied and said he was absolutely fine. "It's getting late. How 'bout we get some drinks and unwind?" Shūhei surely needed it, and by the way Kira looked he may need it too. Or maybe just a good night's rest.

"Sounds fantastic," Kira sounded like he thought Shūhei had a great idea, "but, I need to finish some paperwork..."

"There's plenty of time for that later on tomorrow, enjoy yourself for a while... Unwind. 'Cuz, Kira, you look stressed to no end." Shūhei meant that. Kira looked bad. He looked messed up, and he needed some thing to get him out of this negative spell he was in. Shūhei wondered if he looked like that, as well.

"Fine," Kira said at least. Shūhei was relived. Kira needed this.

Kira didn't pack up his papers nor move them at all, but just left with Hisagi. They went to their favorite bar.

ooo

Was that bad? I feel like it wasn't the best… The intro doesn't really have very much important things from Shūhei, sadly. But, later on it will be vital. I promise x3

Thanks for reading. Sorry if it was boring, but it does hint at a few plot things!

Characters belong to Tite Kubo.


	3. Good luck  a

Here….. IT IS!  
>Some view of the actual plot :3 only some, though.<p>

ooo

"Shūhei, wake up!" Kira yelled, in the process of receiving a message from a hell butterfly.

"Huh?" Hisagi rolled, off the futon with a thud. "Hello?"

"Shū... We have a meeting this morning." Kira said hesitantly.

"Weird? Thought Yama gave us a day off from him once a week..."

"Things have changed..." Kira's memories flashed, making him stutter. "A lot has, y'know..."

"Well, Hell. Guess I have to get up at a semi-decent time today, huh? When's the meeting?" Shūhei said reluctantly.

"An hour." Kira didn't want to go. He hadn't had a Captain and Vice-Captain's meeting yet without Ichimaru, he's only filled in at Captain's meetings, and those were bad enough. He know he would have to be there, alone. Unaccompanied by his Captain in front of those he knew would judge him more than they already had.

"Why..." Shūhei sighed, "well, can I use your shower?" Shūhei remained on the floor.

"Course... But you're on your own with getting breakfast." Kira had woken up a while ago and had already eaten and showered, even. He had slept better than he usually did. He woke up twice, from a couple of nightmares. Kira had woken up on the futon and had to rush to the bathroom.

"Well, can I find something from here?" Shūhei had a playful expression on his face. He looked much better than he had looked last night. He looked less worn-out, but not quiet rested.

"Of course," Kira smiled ever so lightly, unsure of weather or not Hisagi noticed it or not. "I'm going to go do some paper work before the meeting. Can I trust you to secure my home properly when you leave?" Kira teased Hisagi, knowing he had before and he trusted him.

"Sure, as much as you can trust your cat not to eat my rat." 

"Since I don't have a cat, and I'm pretty sure you don't have a rat, I shall trust you to." Kira turned and began to leave Hisagi alone in the place that he called home. "See ya later, Hisagi," he called out.

"See ya, Kira," he called back.

Kira felt alone outside of his home and while heading to the office. He knew that he wasn't alone but knowing doesn't change some feelings. Kira didn't much done in the way of paperwork. He mainly looked through the papers that were left on his desk, and sorted through them even though he had done that last night.

After the seventh time of reorganizing the papers on his desk, he decided to give up on it. He didn't feel well. Something didn't feel right to him and this meeting loomed closer and closer, and Kira couldn't shake the feeling. It's not like he could possibly skip it or send anybody in his place.

_Maybe I should go visit them afterwards… Yeah, that's what I should do… I miss both of you so much…_ Both his parents had died so long ago he could hardly remember the way they looked or the things they said to him, but he was still holding on to their memories.

With a newfound strength and confidence. Thoughts of his parents always had that effect on Kira, since he had always wanted to make them happy and show him his accomplishments. Kira headed to the meeting, no longer afraid of what anyone else would say about him being without a Captain. Everyone would know why. It's not like it was something that was new information. Kira wouldn't be the only one. There was Hisagi and Hinamori, as well. In addition, Captain Ukitake had the potential to not be there, due to his condition.

Kira got to the meeting early but not too early. Hisagi arrived a few minutes after him, and the meeting began right when it was scheduled to.

"Court Guard Squads, as you know, our foe was once one of us. Aizen knows our tactics, but we don't know his. We need to find his out. From what information intelligence in the world of the living has gathered, there seems to be a small, weak group of arrancar that Aizen removed from Hueco Mundo due to their weakness, and his want for a test to see how arrancar can handle the world of the living and vice versa. Now, Squad 11 has requested that we get one, if not all of these arrancar into our possession for testing, analyzing, and so our shinigami can learn how to fight them," Yamamoto neared the end of his introduction, and began the actual topic of the meeting. "I am looking for willing able-bodied shinigami that can be trusted to fulfill this task safely and swiftly. I require more than one shinigami and their consent. Now, you are all dismissed unless you are bringing yourself forth as a volunteer for this task."

Kira had no idea how to react, and it seemed none of the others did either. Shūhei made his way over and found Kira, breaking the tension.

"Kira, what do you think about doing this for Yama?"

"Uhm?"

"I was thinking… We _are_ going to be guarding one of the pillars, and we should have experience with what we are going to be dealing with, y'know? Something more than the controlled area, assuming that is what R&D is planning on doing with them. Besides, they're weak arrancar, we can handle them, right?"

"I guess… But, we need to care for our squads…" Kira was more than uncertain. He knew Shūhei also taught at the academy and also is the current acting editor-in-cheif for the Seireitei paper.

"Kira, in a few months that won't matter. We'll be fighting. We need this. Hell, everyone needs this," he sounded desperate, pleading with Kira. "Please, be my partner?" Hisagi extended his hand, meeting Kira's eyes with a look of pure determination as well as hope and some kind of passion and enthusiasm.

Kira didn't know what to think of this. "Shūhei… This sounds a little sketchy, I don't know if it's the best of ideas… I don't us being thrown into something and then not know how it will actually turn out…" 

"Kira, I'm going to do this. If you won't come with me, I will find someone else who will. I will even resort to requesting one of my unseated officers if I have to. You're practically my other half. You and I both know that. We know how the other fights, and we have chemistry in battle. We're parabatai¹, Kira. And that's not something you can change." He had a blaze in his eyes, a great determination, a great want to do this.

"You know, you're right. I will do this with you, Shūhei. I will be you're partner. This is a great opportunity for the both of us and we should grab it before anyone else does." Shuhei grinned and headed towards Yamamoto.

_I just hope this isn't a mistake…_

"Head-Captain, I would like to volunteer." Hisagi stated right away, not wasting anytime and getting straight to the point with the Head-Captain.

"Just who do you think you will be going with?" Yamamoto raised an eyebrow.

"I talked to Kira, and he agreed." Hisagi gestured behind him, at Kira.

"Is this true, Vice-Captain Kira?"

"Very much so. We both agreed that this was a good opportunity to get experience with arrancars, even if they are just weak ones. As well, if something were to go wrong, we are a well-built duo that would be able to move swiftly."

"Very well. Prepare to depart in a week. Hisagi, take care of all your duties, and I shall get a sub in line for when you are gone at the Academy. Be sure to one who is responsible in charge of the editor-and-chief position. And I shall see to that your squads are taken care of."

"Ah, of course. How long do you think we will be in the world of the living capturing these arrancar?" Hisagi inquired.

"That all depends on how easy they are for you to track, locate, and capture."

"Fair enough. We thank you for this opportunity." Kira said, and the discussion was over.

The duo who would capture the arrancar walked out of the meeting room without another word. Out side of the mass of other Vice-Captains and Captains was a different story.

"I hate sucking up to that old man." Hisagi said in disgust.

"Sometimes you have to, though… Well, what are you doing today?"

"Sessions at the academy are starting up tomorrow, so I have to prep for that and do training things with the squad. And paperwork. I'm sure everyone knows that won't get done…" Hisagi seemed disheartened, especially in comparison to how he was earlier. "How about you?"

"Ah… I guess I'm doing squad stuff and paperwork…"

"Would you be able to help me with a session at the Academy later this week?" Hisagi asked.

"Huh?" Kira hadn't ever aided at the Academy.

"Well, I got a basic swordsmanship class and sparring. Basic techniques, y'know. That type of class, and I plan to have them sparring on the second or third day, and I'd like to be able to spar with someone on my level or have to demonstrate with. You game?" Hisagi smirked.

"Course, that would be my honor."

¹

Parabatai is a term from _The Mortal Instruments_ (and _The Infernal Devices_)by Cassandra Clare, and ever since I read that, that's basically how I see Kira and Hisagi. Basically a strong bond between fighting partners, almost to the sense of being a brother. There's battle enhancement runes that are applied to the skin, and when one of the partner applies the rune to the other, it's stronger than if someone else did (or when applied to oneself). There's more to it, but that's the basic concept.

ooo

Good as place as any to end it, eh? Kinda was getting longer than I had planned… Sorry it took so long to get out! .

I had a journal I wrote this story in that I decided to use as a guide for this, but I lost the journal… And I found it again a while back…and realized I wrote it wrong ._. so I had to find out how to work it in, which seems like it'll work out.

I went to ACen last weekend, and MAN. It was AMAZING. I waited in line a few hours to meet Vic Mignogna. SO worth it. I had him sign my shoe, a picture of him, and got an amazing hug (in which I smell him. Is that weird? My friend says it is ._.)

Thanks for reading~ do review!  
>Characters and Bleach belong to Tite Kubo!<p> 


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